Rants and Ramblings

I thought I would add a home for rants and stuff. It’s a work in progress. Check back on occasion for updates.

 

Menu Selections

Eggsclusive Cafe Rockford Crazy Round Menu
Eggsclusive Cafe Rockford
Crazy Round Menu

It’s about turnover. If a place has a giant menu with a ton of choices that means that you are going to have a lot of ingredients being stored. You have stuff getting old. Most owners are NOT throwing stuff out. They will often use things past their prime. A smaller selection means fresher ingredients.

 

French Toast

This link takes you to a page with a video of Alton Brown making french toast. I realize that restaurants won’t take this much time.

The “LINK”  Be sure to watch the Video

m.henry Chicago Cinnamon Roll French Toast
m.henry Chicago
Cinnamon Roll French Toast

The overwhelming majority of places do NOT know how to make French Toast. If they DO know they choose not to. REALLY? They can produce a perfect Hollandaise or an inspired Pancake concoction but Proper French Toast Prep eludes them. French Toast is some type of bread substance and a custard mixture. Eggs, a dairy product and usually some flavor enhancers.  The bread is introduced to the custard then cooked. The disconnect is that the bread is usually not soaked in the mix. it’s plopped, flipped and pitched on the flattop. It ends up being dry on the inside. It tastes like warmed bread with cooked egg on the outside. When it’s done properly it’s warm moist and custardy on the inside. Even the plain version is tasty when done right. Iv’e eaten FT made by home cooks that were way better than fancy joints that charge 10 bux for 2 slices of warmed bread.

 

Artificial Maple Flavored High Fructose Corn Syrup in a Drippy Sticky Slide Top Pitcher

Imagine if you will a High End Hipster Infused Breakfast Spot. An $11.00 Top Chef Produced Pancake dish. You place your order and wait. They bring THIS

Syrup Pitcher
Drippy Syrup Pitcher

It’s a crime to put Fake Maple Syrup or Fakle Syrup as I call it on an $11.00 Pancake There ARE some places that offer the real deal for an additional charge and some rare ones that actually just serve it and roll it in the price. (That’s the proper way). If you want Fakle Syrup you should have to request it or go to that Inter Nation Pancake House Place.

 

Un Buttered Toast

WHISK Chicago Cool Toast that could be toasted darker.
Cool Not Buttered Toast
WHISK Chicago UNmelted Butter Sadness
UNmelted Butter Sadness

Back when I was a kid all breakfast joints gave you buttered toast unless you requested otherwise. Now when you get toast it’s usually barely toasted and presented DRY. I’m usually at these places early and the butter they have on the table is usually still cold. They bring the dry, cool, sort of toasted bread to me. I attempt to spread the hard butter on the cool toast and of course the butter doesn’t melt. What is the end result? Cold bread with un melted and sometimes cold clumpy butter. Dear breakfast place people, Butter the toast. Thank You, Geno

 

Table Salt

Tasty and Sons Tiny salt server and espresso spoon
Tasty and Sons Portland Oregon
Tiny salt server and espresso spoon

I went to a place once that had Kosher Salt in a little cup. Even the places that put out a 17 dollar insanely delicious entree  have your standard salt shaker full of standard table salt. Table salt is too salty and has a chemical aftertaste. Kosher salt tastes much better and tastes much less salty. I’m sure Alton Brown can explain why. In theory you shouldn’t need to add salt to a dish. The chef should have made sure that your food was properly salted but this isn’t always the case. Kosher Salt is cheap and I’m sure when purchased from a restaurant wholesaler in a large quantity it’s even cheaper. They are probably using it in the kitchen already anyway. Put Kosher salt or Flake Salt on the table and get rid of that other crap.

 

Table Pepper

WHISK Chicago Pepper Mill With Table Salt in the Top. They Got it Half Right
Pepper Mill With Table Salt in the Top. This Place Got it Half Right

Or as I call it, sneeze powder. More places are starting to put disposable pepper mills or re useable grinders on the table. It’s about freakn time. Sneeze powder has none of the essential oils left in it. It doesn’t have any complex flavor left and it’s hot. Pitch the Pepper Shakers Please.

 

Undercooked Eggs

Little Goat Chicago Blue Plate Special
This was a Nearly Done Egg

Nothing about eggs should be clear. Clear=Uncooked. A properly cooked sunny side up egg is very tough to come by. A properly Poached egg requires patience. I really think that places that are trying to be breakfastcentric should have cooks that can cook eggs perfectly which brings me to…

 

Overcooked Eggs

nosh Geneva Illinois Monte Cristo Benedict
The left egg is overcooked. I’m sure the Chef knew it
Eggsclusive Cafe Rockford Waffle Benedict Have a Bite!
Classic Overcook Poached Egg
BITE CAFE Breakfast Poutine
Another Overcooked Poached Egg
Orange Chicago Omelette 15.5
Overcooked Brown Omelette

I guess if I had to choose between overcooked or undercooked eggs I’d pick overcooked. When you overcook and egg you rob it of it’s unctuousness. It becomes dryer as the cooking increases. There is not much worse breakfast wise than an overcooked brown Omelette, well, except for maybe for overcooked Scrambled Eggs.

 

Dirty Flatware

Dusty Flatware Iv'e Seen Worse
Dusty Flatware
Iv’e Seen Worse

You have no one to blame but the person who sets it down. If it’s dirty don’t put it on the table. It’s that simple. No one including the wait staff wants to eat with dirty spotty food crusted or bent flatware.

 

Fingerprinty or Gunky Plates

Take 2 seconds and wipe the plates.

Plate Goo
Plate Goo
More Plate goo
More Plate goo
More Goo
More Goo 2

 

Weak Coffee

Breakfast demands good strong Coffee. Something with personality. a good Single Origin  Guatemalan Sumatran or Kenya AA Oh now I’m dreaming. At least a good blend. Weak cheap coffee has a particular smell. I don’t even have to taste it to know it’s coming.

Tweet Lets Eat Mug with good coffee inside
Tweet Lets Eat
Mug with good coffee inside

 

“The Bench”

I hate the bench!

A lot of places employ the use of a bench along a wall in conjunction with a row of tables. This is generally to maximize the floorspace. Sometimes the bench is absent and it’s just a row of two top tables about a foot apart. This causes 2 issues for me.

1. If I choose to or have to sit on the bench I have to squeeze my fat @ss between the tables to get to it which means that I have to put said @ss in someones face to get to it.

2. Whether I sit on the bench or the chair I have to sit next to a stranger whilst I eat. This is very uncomfortable situation for an introvert such as myself.

The Bench
The Bench
Another view of The Bench
Another view of The Bench

 

Community Tables and Lunch Counters

I feel the same way about community tables and lunch counters as I do about the bench. I don’t want to dine with strangers.

Community Table
Community Table
Lunch Counter
Lunch Counter

 

Carpeting

Carpet in restaurants is gross. How much old food is jammed in that carpet. It’s a fuzzy Petrie dish